You're just not my cup of tea: 3 ways to love a co-worker with a different workstyle

Years ago, I worked with someone who irked my nerves. They always had an opinion, always had to be correct, and always had something to say. Getting anything done with this person was like mountain climbing. I dreaded when I had to work with them. After some frustrating moments, I realized this person was not my cup of tea.

You know people like this. You’ve worked with them. They may not be your cup of tea, coffee, juice, or any favorite beverage you choose to make this point.

For me, this meant that my coworker and I disagreed on how to approach things. We had different thoughts, styles, and behaviors.

Barnabas and Paul may not have been each other's cup of tea

My experience with this co-worker reminds me of Barnabas and Paul. These two disciples had a disagreement that led them to stop working together; Barnabas physically went in one direction in ministry, and Paul went in another. (See Acts 15:36-41)

Reading the Bible, one might think they argued once and ended their working relationship. However, and I’ll admit I’m speculating, I do not believe it was that simple. I don’t think this one argument resulted in a split. I don’t think it happened overnight since most events like this do not. They usually build up over time. It may take a few days, weeks, months, and maybe years before people finally realize they don't like how others operate or think. Paul and Barnabas built up to a blow-up and went in different directions. This disagreement led to these two disciples working separately to spread the gospel. Only God knows the potential of their ministry had they remained together.

How to love that co-worker with a style that irritates you

I may not have liked my co-worker's style, but I realized despite this, as a believer in Christ, I was still required to love them. And this raises the question: How do you love someone who is not your cup of tea? While a first step might be to have an open and honest conversation with your co-worker about your differences, this step is not always available. In my case, it was not an option. I had to enlist three actions when it came to this co-worker:

1 - Recognize your triggers. I had to learn what, when, and how this co-worker annoyed me. Once I identified my triggers, I was able to pinpoint which words or situations would make me react.

2 - Know your time limit. I had about a good hour with my coworker before I didn’t trust myself to say something that dishonored God. 😊 You may have to take the person in “bursts of exposure” or in doses.

3 - Pray for the person. I wouldn’t classify my coworker as an enemy. We just had different approaches to life. Frankly, I thought they were arrogant, and they probably thought I was too “religious.” But they were not an enemy in my understanding of the word. Yet, if Jesus tells me to pray for my enemy, how much more should I pray for someone who is not my preferred style of person with whom to collaborate?

I’m sure there are other approaches to handling this, and I invite you to share your approach.

The potential outcome of learning how to work with someone with a different workstyle

Though the Bible clearly shows the work Paul did in his ministry, it’s more silent on Barnabas after he and Paul discontinued their partnership. in one of his letters, Paul refers to Barnabas in a way that shows he respected him (see 1 Corinthians 9:6 and Galatians 2:1). I want to believe Barnabas’ gospel ministry also had great results.

And that brings me back to my former co-worker. This person and I went on to do cool projects for our company. We achieved what was needed for the moment even though we were probably not each other’s cup of tea. It was an excellent partnership for our organization once I learned what I needed to do to work with my coworker.

What will you do when your co-worker is not your cup of tea?