Christian Friends Become Enemies
This headline isn’t new. One day we have a great relationship with someone; the next we don't. The atmosphere of a pandemic, political foolishness, Christian misrepresentation, and racial inequality left many relationship casualties in its path. As Christians, it is disheartening to see the number of Christian friends who became enemies. Relationship splits between Christians can deter kingdom partnership and block or delay kingdom work. Take a look around. I'm sure we all have some examples of this.
The question now is how can we turn Christian splits into unions?
Define the New Relationship
Enemy may seem like too strong of a word to describe the split between you and your Christian friend. Yet the definition of the word is so general, it can be applied to any relational split. One of the dictionary definitions is "a person who is actively opposed or hostile to someone or something."
Through this definition, choosing to distance or limit your communication can be loosely described as actively opposing a person.
It may feel like a stretch. You may not feel the person is an enemy, but the point is if Christ told us to be kind to our enemy, what more should we be doing for people we put in the "no longer talking to" category of our lives?
A Biblical Christian Split
Paul and Barnabas provide for us a biblical example of a Christian split.. Their relationship begins in Acts 9 with Barnabas acting as a representative for Paul to the apostles. The duo strike a partnership in spreading the gospel message, but this comes to a halt in Acts 15. They divide over the involvement of John Mark in ministry. John Mark had left an earlier mission trip before it's end. Paul wanted to exclude him from a future trip. Barnabas wanted to include him.
Have you heard this before? Have you been a part of a discussion like this? There were differences over how to do ministry.
The disagreement was bitter and these giants went their separate ways. Scholars believe they may have reconciled but there is no proof in scripture. Paul's ministry is highlighted as evidenced in his letters to other believers. Paul mentions Barnabas in some of the letters, but provides little insight on Barnabas’ ministry. Barnabas' letter is not included in today's Bible compilation; however, we can speculate the power the ministry may have had if they continued to work together.
How to Overcome the Split
Many of Paul’s letters addressed Christian relationships and how we are to treat one another and others. Good Christian partnership can do so much for God's kingdom. Restoring a broken fellowship with another Christian can include the following considerations:
Revisit what caused the split and determine if it was worth the outcome.
What caused the split? In retrospect, how important was it?
Did you disagree over a Biblical issue? Did you see something in the other person's Christian attitude and chose to walk away as opposed to sharing your concern and praying for them?
What has the split resulted in? What's missing in your life due to the split? What's missing in the kingdom?
Evaluate your feelings towards the person.
What thoughts /feelings come forward when you think of the person?
If they needed help would you provide it?
Consider reconciliation and your role in it.
Have you made a first step towards reconciliation? What's stopping you?
Is it safe to reconcile?
How will reconciling make you feel?
Are you ready for reconciliation?
This is a difficult topic because I can't cover every specific scenario and the nuances of it in this limited space. There may be a good reason for you to separate from another believer, especially if you question their commitment to the faith.
Ultimately, loving someone you have tension with can be extremely hard to do, particularly if you feel justified and offended. While I do not know the answer for your specific situation, I encourage to put your situation to serious prayer. Ask God to show you your shortcomings and ask him to guide any reconciliation.
Past events, especially from the last few years, may have made you a bit raw. Do you need to reignite your love for people? Register for my next Foundations for Love workshop, simply click here or email me at amgadson@surrenderedpen.com.
