Why Did God Allow This to Happen to Me?
Writing this was difficult for me. I did what most of us do when faced with something we don’t want to do‒I procrastinated.
Why did God allow this to happen to me?
The question important to most adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse, Christian or otherwise. It may be asked following the abuse or it may take years to surface.
The question makes us uncomfortable because it feels like we are challenging God. Emotional feelings toward God including anger, disappointment, or perhaps doubt. The hardest part isn’t the question itself, but the answer because it will never be specific enough.
This is what I experienced as I pondered why God allowed my biological father to molest me.
He is the God of all the Earth (Isaiah 54:5). He is powerful (Psalm 62:11). The earth bends at his command (Job 9:5-13). Why was stopping my abuser so hard?
The World We Live In
The following quote is from an advice column written by Dr. Roger Barrier, a pastor and author on the PreachIt/TeachIt website. Dr. Roger provides an answer for one of his readers who questions God’s whereabouts during their abuse:
“Once I was counseling a young woman who spit out the question: “Where was Jesus Christ when I was being raped at 17?” I looked at her with compassion and said, “He was reliving His crucifixion. We live in a fallen world and you were betrayed by the very persons Jesus brought into your life to care for and protect you. In a fallen world people do dastardly things. Fortunately, Jesus is in the business of helping us pick up the pieces, get healed, and get on with our lives.””
I’ll do my best to explain "fallen" without Christian-ese (words we are taught once we study the Bible).
The world we live in is a flawed place. How did it get that way? Originally God created us to be in relationship with him. But relationship with Him was not enough for us. Our first act as newly created humans was rebellion and it led to a flawed world.
A flawed world is full of kind-hearted people and evil people. In between these extremes dwell people who have experienced varying degrees of hurt. In this world, we desire to survive and we choose different methods for survival. Most of those methods preserve our well-being, which, at times, translates to destroying others.
In this flawed world, people behave the way they see best. And, sadly, in this flawed world, people sexually abuse children.
Rephrasing the Question
With this insight about our flawed world, the question needs to be reworded. The term “allow” implies the Lord God sat back and took some joy in our suffering. “Allow” assumes God was a willing participant. This is so far from true. God is a God who sees. In Genesis 16:13, God sees Hannah who was abused by her mistress and was forced to leave her home.
God hates rebellion (Proverbs 6:16-19; Psalm 5:5; Psalm 11:5). In a flawed world, He does not participate in it. Our suffering hurts Him. It breaks His heart. God’s first response is to make himself available to us (Psalm 147:3). He sent Jesus to help us overcome it (John 16:33).
God did not “allow” this to happen to us; it hurts Him deeply to know what we have been through. I find comfort in the words Dr. Roger used to describe God’s experience during my abuse. Dr. Roger says God was “was reliving His crucifixion.”
Abuse happens because of the flawed place we reside in. The most important question now is: Where is God in the aftermath of abuse?
God in the Aftermath
God is available to help us as we sort through the impact of abuse. We do not have to do this alone. Through scripture, prayer, and a supportive network, He helps us deal with each emotion that arises.
This answer may not be enough, or it may be just what you needed to hear.
Below are links to resources I found while researching what others say about God's actions in our abuse. Perhaps they will help you go beyond what I provided here.
Personally, where do I believe God was when I was being abused? I believe he was with me. It hurt Him to see me in pain and He began setting up something to bring me to Jesus in that very moment--to bring me to a place where I could begin healing in the middle of a flawed world.
What others say:
“Where was God when I was raped?”, Ask Roger column of Preach It/Teach It website
“Can I Be Angry with God: A Sexual Abuse Story”, Madeline Wu, Inheritance magazine, January 1, 2017
An Invitation to the Workshop “The Jesus in MeToo”
Are you a Christian who wants to kickstart your healing from childhood sexual abuse? This workshop is an opportunity to open the door.
The MeToo Movement opens the locked door for many victims of childhood and adult trauma. It provides a platform for many to tell what happened to them and to seek justice. It also provides an opportunity to seek healing.
For those of the Christian faith, MeToo may have opened door between what you know about God and what you experienced. This important session provides space for you to explore how to initiate healing for you or someone you love and how to put your faith into action as part of a healing plan. Register here.